Meet Ms. Corinne Rose - our Trust's Administrator

Meet Ms. Corinne Rose!

As part of UN Women’s 16 days to End Violence Against Women, we have been interviewing some of the staff and women involved here at Sambhali. This is part 3 – an interview with Corinne, our Trust Administrator. Corinne started as a volunteer in Sambhali in 2009 and established the sewing centres for the graduates, the Boutique and the international orders as well as doing the administration work. She returned to the UK in 2014, from where she has continued to fulfil her role of Administrator.

Corinne with the Graduates

Living in India for over 5 years, Corinne has experienced the lack of equality between men and women and feels that domestic violence is caused through men feeling inadequate – that they feel that they are unable to provide for their family financially, due to their low-paid job or lack of education; they often have large families and so many mouths to feed and feel the pressure of responsibility to provide for them. Men feel dominant in this patriarchal society and therefore women aren’t able to take an equal role in the marriage and consequently an equal share of the overall responsibility.  Male pride hinders any real discussion in discussing practical and personal problems and men can then turn to alcohol which exacerbates the situation. In India the drink of choice is whisky, which they may have started at the age of 16 and so alcoholism sets in at an earlier age – mid-30s. Even though these men may have had a good education, a good job and a lovely family, they cannot or do not want to understand what alcohol does to their bodies. Education on alcoholism is absolutely necessary. Corinne feels that more support and education should be provided; more workshops where men can seek help to understand their addiction and the need for support; similarly, counselling groups for men who are prone to violence to gain an understanding and prevent abuse happening.

TV programmes and advertising would be one of the most influential ways to help change the attitudes of men towards domestic violence.

• To stop all domestic violence in tv soap operas which all sectors of society avidly watch on a daily basis. (Men usually seen slapping women as a normal mode of behaviour).

• Use TV as a platform to show that it's ok for men to seek help through support groups/alcoholism groups and how their family benefits.

• To promote equality of girls and boys to demonstrate to parents with existing preference for the boy child

Also to provide education in the state school curriculum to educate children to have respect for each other using role-play workshops to educate the next generation.  

Help to empower women and provide them with vocational training so they are able to provide an income for themselves and their families.  To encourage gender equality by providing women and girls with self-esteem and self-confidence in their own abilities.

Words & photography by Corinne Rose

Sambhali Trust: Pinky's Story

Meet Pinky!


As part of UN Women's 16 days to End Violence Against Women, we have been interviewing some of the staff and women involved here at Sambhali. This is Part 2 - an interview with Pinky, one of the students at our Jodhpur Empowerment Centre.

Pinky

In most countries, there is an assumption that domestic abuse is limited to the confines of a couple. In India, this is further translatable as a married couple. However, this is far from the case. When speaking of domestic abuse, especially in this part of the world, it is crucial to recognize that abuse commonly stretches beyond the parameters of a marriage, to involve the extended family. Here, married couples are expected to live in the husband's childhood home, where the wife is subject to the authority of his family. Sadly, this additional dependency means that in-law abuse is a common occurrence across the country, and sadly Jodhpur is no exception. Rather, here at Sambhali it seems that the majority of women claiming domestic abuse will mention the involvement of their in-laws.

Pinky, a recent addition to Sambhali’s Jodhpur Empowerment Centre, is fighting to stay positive having emerged from four years of devastating abuse at the hands of her husband, and his family. To those acquainted with domestic violence, Pinky’s story is a familiar one. As is so often the case anywhere in the world, it was only after an initial honeymoon period that a pattern of abuse began to noticeably manifest itself. Following the wedding, Pinky had two peaceful months before her new family first exhibited the controlling behavior that would quickly escalate into psychological and physical torment.

'My mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and my father-in-law dictated my every movement. I was confined to one room, and not even allowed to look out of the window, or bathe, without their permission. My food was withheld from me, and I was forbidden to talk to any of the neighbors, or even my parents. I was like a slave, I had to clean and cook every day from before dawn to after midnight.’

Far from helping his wife, Pinky’s husband exploited the situation to legitimize his own cruelty - 'I never knew when the beatings would come next, once he pushed my head in the toilet because I placed something in the 'wrong' place. He beat me in front of his mistress.’

Hoping that a child might ease her situation, Pinky planned her pregnancy early in the marriage. However, the birth of her daughter only aggravated the cycle of abuse. Her mother-in-law especially would taunt her for failing to produce a boy, and would publicly label the child as illegitimate-accusing Pinky of an extramarital affair. While her husband did not confirm these accusations, he nevertheless maintained a level of antipathy towards his child.

Eventually however, Pinky did reach a breaking point. Upon the discovery that her husband made a living primarily from pimping, she offered to work for a cleaner wage. Desperately short of money, her husband presented Pinky with an ultimatum. She was given the choice of either formally prostituting herself; sleeping with her father-in-law, who in return would ‘give her anything’; or asking her own family for money. Knowing that her family themselves had been struggling with poverty since the payment of her dowry, Pinky was aware that they simply could not afford to support her further.

Her husband's obsessive demands for money were coupled with violent episodes. By this stage, he was drinking frequently and beginning to lose control over himself. Every day was a torment of aggression, and violent confrontations- ‘Once he tried to gas us with the cooking cylinder’. Since her wedding, Pinky had been threatened never to reveal her home conditions to her family, however her husband’s unpredictable behavior caused Pinky to completely break down in a state of terror. 'I would forget what I was saying mid-sentence, I was a mess. I was so scared of him, I eventually forced myself to tell my mother what was happening'.

By finally revealing the extent of her situation to her mother, Pinky broke the silence that had held her hostage for the past 4 years. It has now been 11 months since Pinky has estranged herself from her husband. Today, Pinky's primary concern is to achieve economic independence from her parents, to support her daughter and begin her life again. Two months ago, she was introduced to Sambhali Trust, and since then has been working hard to educate herself, and learn to sew in order to sustain a steady income as a seamstress. When reflecting on her past, she hopes that other girls in a similar situation will have the courage to leave their abusers. She says 'Indian tradition teaches us to accept everything and anything, and that it is our duty to hold our marriage together. But the abuse will never stop, and they will never lose the taste for violence. Never tolerate, always fight back.'

Words by Beatrice Sell, Photography by Catherine Thomas